The unwarranted abuse of Bollocks

Today I have been thinking about the derogative use of the word bollocks and how unjustified the use of this word in a negative manner is.

My bollocks or testicles (from the Latin testiculus) have performed outstandingly for me over the years. There core functions of producing sperm and the male hormones of which testosterone is the best-known has been remarkable!

Although my teenage years and the majority of my twenties saw most of their hard work flushed away in vain. I did eventually allow them to complete a couple of successful missions, and my two boys are true amazing miracles of the lottery of life.

So why when we get told something we disagree with, or shown something that doesn’t make us happy, we associate this unpleasantly to the miracle making testicles, with the phrase “what a load of bollocks”???!

I agree they aren’t the best looking thing in the world, I wouldn’t want a pair on my mantelpiece, or choose to hang a couple round a gold chain. But is their appearance really justification for being used as a negative, and if so why do we not attribute this theory to other things? I never hear anyone say “what a load of old elbow skin” or “Oh cellulite!”

Furthermore, if we are to accept the inevitable that our bollocks will be forever used as a term for when things aren’t great, why do we consider Canine testicles the epitome of perfection?!!!

“That my friend is the dog’s bollocks!”

Are they more attractive? Do they have other functions that our human testicles do not? No, well at least I hope not, I haven’t yet come across anyone sporting a pair of dog’s bollocks on their head as a trendy hat, or seen a dog creating work of art from within.

Maybe being a nation of animal lovers we have a profound guilt about generally removing the dog’s bollocks as a puppy, that we ease this guilt with associating them to flawlessness regardless of the subject matter?

I have a great fondness towards dogs, but surely our man sacks that play a significant part in creating human life are more worthy of a positive phrase then that of dogs whose nuts generally end up in a vets bin?

Finally, and I do appreciate I have ranted on about bollocks for a fair bit already. But where did the phrase “He dropped a bollock” come from?

Surely no man in the history of mankind has ever dropped his own testicle? And why were they out of the scrotum in the first place? At what point did this man decide a safer place to keep his testicles instead of the creation made scrotum, was in fact his hands?

The whole thing is just a load of old elbow skin!