Putting adverts on notice.

Adverts, I love and loath them equally. When done well they not only make me want to buy the product but I sadly look forward to the latest installment like a sequel to a Hollywood blockbuster, and sadly on some rare occasion the advert can be so good I have even took the time to find the advert on YouTube for another hit of their marketing heroin. However done badly and I not only detest the time they spew their bile into my eyes and ears, but I actually build up am unhealthy hatred against the product and company.

With this in mind and to give those around me some time off, I have decided to blog about the various adverts I hate and maybe just maybe if you’re lucky the ones I enjoy as well. But to save time here is a couple of style of adverts that really grinds my gears:

Dubbed adverts

Nothing makes me detest a product and pigheadedly choose to not buy it regardless of how good or cost effective it might be more than when a multinational corporation makes one advert, and sends it around the world dubbed over in that country’s national tongue. If you can’t be arsed to pay actors who speak English to recreate the desired advert, then I can’t be arse to buy your product. I could forgive a small start up company but the worst offenders tend be from major retailers of cleaning products. Why not pay that little bit extra and hire in some non famous actors from that country and tailor the advert to the people directly? Lazy!

Faked real adverts....

ARRRRR my head wants to explode already just thinking about them, I would love to get my hands on the person responsible for creating the first ever ‘These are real people being filmed from a  distance honest nudge nudge wink wink’ advert.

Firstly they fail immediately by using immaculate fake real people. Very few times in the actual real world do you come across people who are perfect to the very final detail, and if you do, then I would bet my left testicle they wouldn’t want to stop and talk to some smug prick who wants to show the rest of the un-kept public how bad their teeth actually are.

Secondly they always tend to take place in a beautiful shopping centre, no chavs in sight, no crap on the floor, and no old person pulling a tartan trolley doddering across the shot because they haven’t noticed the cameraman filming 20 yards away.

Thirdly the smug fake real prick fronting the product is always a well turned out marketing executive with a hugely successful background in sales, who in reality would be nowhere near the “shop floor” let alone manning a self constructed advertising stand. If they want to make me even slightly consider this set up to be real at least hire someone that is obnoxious, has half their shirt un-tucked at the back, stinks of smoke, and grunts “alright” as you walk past hoping you won’t actually stop and talk to them.  

Finally the biggest giveaway  is the fact these “REAL” people get told how ugly their skin is, how bad their teeth are, how disgustingly bad their clothes are cleaned, and told to fuck off for a week and use the desired product to see the improvement and they COME BACK!! No one in their right mind who gets told they are effectively scum would return to that smarmy nob chops to be judged a second time, they would take the freebie and leave never to be seen again, except maybe to slash the car tyres of the branded van sat waiting in the overpriced dark damp shopping centre car park.

I know work is work and an actor’s life can be tough until they have their big break, but if you accept one of these jobs then I hope you spend your nights crying into your pillow thinking about how you have sold out..... because I am sat at home searching for the remote control hoping you get a pretty nasty and aggressive STD.

Bring back the Tango man.

 

The story rant so far:

Argos Aliens
Canesten thrush cream  
EDF Energy crap out on their Blue Price Promise
No-Touch No-Point No-Need Soap Dispensers 
Mobile Application Toys