Can someone please do something deplorable in Oxford?? For
the second day straight the Oxford Mail website is nothing but GCSE stories and
it’s doing my nut in.
Don’t get me wrong I am glad the teenagers of today are
being given easier exams from when I was at school, but come on surely we could
sort this with one story:
[Headline] - GCSE results are in! (again) same as they were
last year, and the year before that and so on.
[Story] - Some did well, some did badly, and some were
drunk/pregnant/in a stolen car when they collected them. Oh and surprisingly
school "A" in the middle of an affluent area was top in the county,
while school "B" in the Ghetto neglected area by dog shit alley
(<<< this alley actually exists) was at the bottom.....
I know just like X factor some of the kids have triumphed
through some kind of adversity *cue Coldplay song* and this appeals to a
section of people who like nice feel good stories, but what people like me? My
sheer existence is based on an ability to moan, if I can’t read about some chav
vandalising a car for no reason other than the fact his parents didn’t hug him
enough when he was a young crack addict, or the Oxford City Council deciding to
reduce the speed limit to 10mph because 20mph was putting road bound snails at
risk, then my life has less meaning.
Maybe we could get Andrew Smith MP to play strip
billiards in the Holiday Inn Express next to the Oxford Kassam Stadium? Or
maybe we could copy Leicester and dig up the Westgate car park to look for some
human remains, they don't need to be royal, id be impressed enough
just to find a mutated humpbacked servant that got illegal buried after his
master accidently killed him during a vigorous bumming. ANYTHING..... I’m desperate to feed my negativity and
general pessimism of the human race.
But I’ll relent slightly just this once and say well done
people less than half my age, your results were probably well earned through either studying night and day, or by doing the teacher night and day, I
hope you use this positivity to spur you on so that you can also make the most
out of the benefit system the way so many of your forefathers have done.
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